


I'm happy to play the fool for you

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Boy Meets World
Genre: Fluff and Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Love Bites, Love Confessions, M/M, based on the episode Roadtrip, shawn hunter has feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-18 00:20:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5890756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a treasure not my own<br/>I take it, took it, nobody will notice<br/>well that suits me well<br/>[...] make him feel different today</p><p>Its been one week since Chet Hunter died and Shawn already feels like running but this time he takes Cory with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm happy to play the fool for you

**Author's Note:**

> Shawn was destined to play the role of the fool since they were only children, had cast himself in the part from the minute Topanga Lawrence had caught his best friends eye and he'd been forced to share, had been forced to stand on the sidelines and drop petty insults on her in hopes of derailing whatever might be building between her and Cory.
> 
> He'd been a fool and he'd waited.

The funeral is modest - two p.m. on a Saturday afternoon with sprays of daffodils on a red cherry wood casket and a small gathering of friends and family - some that Shawn doesn't recognize.

There's a white rose in the pocket of Chet Hunter's favorite flannel shirt and a photograph of his children tucked off to the side and Shawn can't bring himself to see his father this way. It's unnerving and the urge to slip out the backdoor of the funeral home is nearly impossible to ignore but every time he inches closer to it, a well meaning family member will take his hand in theirs and gently pat as if he's a child who needs consoling and their words begin to blur together with one distinct phrase that makes him grit his teeth - "He's in a better place now." He wants to take them by the shoulders and let all of the anger and pain out, to scream at them that _' **I** need him, don't you understand?! He was in a good place here with me. We were going to go fishing and play pool, he was going to **be** there.' _ Instead he nods his head and mumbles a polite thank you.

Jack is keeping to himself, tucked into a corner with Eric who has an arm around his shoulder and appears to be doing his best to cheer him up at such a dark and trying time. If he and Jack had grown up as brothers they'd be consoling one another but they've only a few years to make up for a childhood apart and sympathy hugs from his brother are not what Shawn needs right now.

The rush of cold air hits Shawn's nose and it's almost welcoming; it's a far cry from the stifling funeral home with the scent of fresh flowers and a blending of loud perfumes. Out here the air is silent save for the sound of distant traffic - the birds have gone South for the Winter and the grass has wilted around them but it's fitting on this day. He inhales deeply and slides down the brick exterior of the building until he's sat on the pavement - if he tries hard enough he might blend and they'll leave him alone.

The backdoor groans, taking the mingle of voices with it before closing once more.

"Shawn? Are you out here?"

Cory rubs his hands together and stuffs them in his pocket before turning a corner and nearly tripping over Shawn.

"There you are. I've been looking all over for you."

"You wanna get out of here?," Shawn asks.

Cory is dumbstruck for a moment - "It's your dad's funeral, Shawn."

"I can't go back in there, Cor."

It's a simple explanation but Cory gets it, he understands. Shawn doesn't cope well with loss - he holds those he loves as tight as he can and pushes them away whenever things get hard; this is how he has always worked.

"There's a sandwich shop a few miles from here," Cory offers.

"Anythings gotta be better than here. Think I'm frozen stiff, help me up."

The hand in Shawn's lingers when he's standing and Cory squeezes - it's a silent _I'm right here if you need me_ and it means more than any syrupy sweet pity laden endearment from cousins third removed or the aunt Shawn hasn't saw since he was two years old. He squeezes back but holds on, doesn't let go. Cory says nothing as they dodge parked vehicles until they reach his own and even then it's reluctant.

*****

They choose a corner table in the far back with strong coffee and tiny pink and yellow packets of sugar and sugar substitute.

"Shawn...I'm sor-," Cory begins.

Shawn cuts him off with a finger pointed in his direction - "No. Not you too. Don't."

"Okay okay I understand," Cory relents - hands raised in surrender.

"Mom went for a sonogram today, baby seems healthy."

Shawn appreciates the change in topic and visibly relaxes in his chair - "Still can't believe you're gonna be a big brother at your age."

"Ah, don't forget Morgan."

"How could I forget her? She spent our freshman year teasing both of us," Shawn replies with a grin.

Cory reaches across the table and takes Shawn's hand in his own - "She was right though."

Morgan had taken every opportunity to take jabs at both of them - telling Mrs. Matthews that Cory and his boyfriend were hogging the phone again or making kissy faces when Cory and Shawn would make a beeline for Cory's room. Age hadn't made those skills rusty, not even close. She knew, of course she did, everyone did including Topanga who was oddly okay with it as long as she got Cory at least the majority of the time. It had been an unspoken agreement; one they'd fallen into just as they'd fallen into a friendship that was made up of people who might never get to know one another in the first place but had by some twist of fate and they'd never voiced the words - _boyfriend._ Not that it was taboo - it was simpler this way with no defined rules.

For awhile Shawn and Angela had been a couple and that had cut down on the time he and Cory were together but Shawn was happy and stable; Cory wanted that for him and he'd been their biggest fan even when things between them got rough. The same could be said for Shawn who did everything in his power to ensure that Cory and Topanga stayed together - they'd created this misfit family together and when one was missing it felt wrong.

And then Shawn and Angela had broken up for good and Chet Hunter had passed. Cory was there to pick up the pieces.

"Yeah I guess she was," Shawn replied with a crooked smile.

"Hey Cor?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's take a trip."

"Right now?"

"Tempting but no. I was thinking a week from today, just me and you. What'd you say?"

Cory took a sip of his coffee and brushed a thumb over Shawn's knuckles - "Where to?"

"Hmm. I'm not sure really, we'll find out when we get there. Will Topanga be okay with this?"

Cory scoffed - "She won't."

Topanga loved Shawn like a best friend should and he was an integral part of their lives. If a road trip would help Shawn cope then she was all for it. Besides, Mrs. Matthews could use a shopping partner; the baby would be due soon and a diaper bag and sleepers needed to be bought.

*****

"Alright! It's just you and me and the open road!," Cory exclaims as he straps his seatbelt on and rubs his hands together excitedly. 

"Ready?"

"READY! Lets get outta here!"

Shawn can't help but smile at Cory's enthusiasm - his happiness is contagious and already Shawn feels lighter as he puts the truck in gear and leaves the trailer park that he has called home for years (though he's not feeling sad to leave the place behind and for that matter the trailer itself is hitched onto the truck).

"Turn it up; I like this song," Shawn urges.

Dave Matthews "Help Myself" fills the vehicle as Shawn hums along and taps his fingers on the steering wheel. It's a fitting song, he thinks to himself. _The food is out the door, makes me wanna help myself_ is exactly why he's doing what he's doing. He has played the middleman in Cory and Topanga's life since they were children and with the two of them now engaged the pressure is on for him to map out his own future - one that can't include them. In short he's not running from them, he's running _for_ them. He'll come back someday; perhaps to play a minor part in their wedding or whatever background duty he'll be delegated to and that's fine. It really is. He'll make a name for himself and prove to himself that he _can_ stand on his own so that when the time comes to break apart from their little family altogether he won't fall apart.

But for now - for three days he'll allow himself to revel in this new found freedom and not feel an ounce of remorse. He'll make his father proud by not running away like a coward but rather he'll be a responsible adult and slowly let Cory go.

Cory bobs his head along to the music and watches scenery pass them by and Shawn feels a pang of guilt for a moment because he's so happy and if Cory didn't have an entire life back home they could be this. They could travel here and there and take cheesy pictures at tourist traps and gather a collection of cheap souvenirs. He could hone his skills at writing and photography and they'd make enough money to live off of.

But that's not a future that's meant for him, no. Cory belongs in their small town and Shawn has always been itching to escape.

They're three hours into the journey when Shawn takes an exit that advertises local convenience shops.

"Oh good! I'm starving!"

"Chips and jerky here we come," Shawn replied.

"You forgot something."

"Well yeah, we forgot snacks, Cor."

"Nope. PUDDING. You can't have a road trip without chocolate pudding," Cory grinned.

A bag.

Cory Matthews had dragged along an entire insulated bag filled to the brim with pudding.

The man had a serious addiction to snackpacks and it had followed over from childhood to adulthood.

"Geez Cor are you preparing for a lifelong trip?"

Cory patted the bag and placed in on the floorboard - "You never know, Shawny."

And that - that shouldn't have warmed Shawn's heart in the way that it did but he couldn't help it. Cory wasn't serious (when was he ever) but the idea was nice (assuming they could afford to finance Cory's addiction). 

He'd play the fool for him, would've gone on doing it for the rest of his life if he were selfish but he knew that even if he left, Cory would always be with him though not physically. Shawn was destined to play the role of the fool since they were only children, had cast himself in the part from the minute Topanga Lawrence had caught his best friends eye and he'd been forced to share, had been forced to stand on the sidelines and drop petty insults on her in hopes of derailing whatever might be building between she and Cory.

He'd been a fool and he'd waited.

*****

The checkout clerk eyed the mound of junk food (Twizzlers that Shawn insisted they _had_ to have, four different flavors of potato chips, beef jerky, bagged peanuts, peanut butter crackers and two varieties of cookies) as she rang them up then gave Shawn a look that Cory was quite familiar with (one that he was subject to sometimes) and Shawn returned her flirting with a crooked grin.

He wanted to stomp on his foot just once for emphasis - _Can't take you anywhere._

"Looks like you boys are stocking up for something. Where're you headed to?"

Cory shot Shawn a confused look to which Shawn shrugged - "We're not sure yet."

"Well he never told me where we're going," Cory added.

She turned to him as if he'd popped up out of the blue in the last minute or so - "I see."

"Umm, bathroom?," Shawn questioned.

She directed him to a hallway, first door on the right and collected the cash.

"My brother and his partner went to see the Grand Canyon last year. They had a blast and I hear that the hotel rooms are really fancy," she said with a sly look as she passed Cory the change and receipt.

It occurred to him then that no matter how far they drove, if the two of them were together it would always be immediately obvious that they'd surpassed the line of friendship a long time ago. There was no need in denying it.

"Thank you but I'm pretty sure we're not headed that far out."

"Have fun then, wherever you end up," she replied with a smile and gave Shawn a friendly wave as he followed Cory out to the truck.

*****

"She says we should see the Grand Canyon," Cory said as he tore open a bag of sour cream & onion chips and small businesses and scenery blended once more.

Shawn nodded solemnly - "The Grand Canyon, now that's an idea."

"Chip?," Cory offered as he tipped the bag Shawn's way.

Shawn eyed it as if it were the most disgusting food he'd encountered and personally offended him - "I'll pass. Your breath is gonna smell terrible."

"That's why I bought these," Cory said, producing two containers of Tic-Tacs and shaking them for emphasis.

There was no way that Shawn would get near him (which meant no kisses) if he had rank breath and so he'd prepared in advance.

"Now that's what I'm talkin' about," Shawn replied and winked at Cory.

All these years later and a single wink could still turn his knees to jelly and fill his stomach with butterflies. Shawn always seemed to have that effect on people and Cory wasn't immune to it.

"Hmmm?," Cory added, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Shawn smirked - "It'll be dark soon, we should find a safe place to park."

*****

"When we get back I was thinking we could pull an all nighter; maybe catch a marathon of old shows on tv and eat so much popcorn that we get tummy aches. What'd you think?," Cory suggested as he tugged a fresh sheet over the cramped bed in the trailer (both had agreed that camping out in the living room would feel strange considering this is where Shawn grew up and there were too many memories there that shouldn't be tainted).

Shawn mumbled something under his breath about how they should play this by ear and instantly regretted it when Cory turned toward him with confusion in his eyes.

"You're acting weird, why are you acting weird?," he asked.

"I'm not. I'm tired is all," Shawn lied.

Cory flopped down on the thin mattress and groaned when a spring caught him on the back - "I forgot about how thin this thing is."

"You'll survive," Shawn teased as he took the left side of the bed.

The silence was welcoming after a day filled with the radio and Cory's intermittent mentions of Topanga and Feeny but it didn't last.

Shawn tugged on the blanket in order to cover his body and Cory tugged right back.

"You're being a cover hog," Shawn accused as he pulled the blanket back.

"Me? You're the one who only packed one blanket even though we both know you like to steal covers."

Shawn scoffed - "Do not."

Cory tugged and succeeded at gathering more than half of the blanket - "Do too."

"DO. NOT.," Shawn mumbled as he hauled a portion of the covers onto his side of the bed.

"Yeah you do."

Tug, push, pull.

"Nope."

"Uh sorry but you do."

Tug, push, pull.

"Shawn Hunter you just wait till I tell Mr. Feeny what you did," Cory threatened as he grabbed the covers with two fists and tugged.

"Yeah? Too bad he can't help you now," Shawn teased as he latched onto the blanket and quickly tucked it around his body like a burrito.

"You!," Cory grumbled as he decided to forgo the battle and drape himself over Shawn.

"You're heavy," huffed Shawn as he tried to free an arm from the trap he'd put himself in.

"Mmm-hmm. Betchu don't need blankets now huh? Thief."

Shawn wiggled against him and Cory raised his eyebrows - "Oh my, tryin' to get fresh with me Shawny?"

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not," Shawn retorted as he wiggled once more, knees bumping against Cory's.

"I could prob be convinced to free you _if_ you are," Cory teased.

Shawn responded by squirming once more but his lips were parted and his eyes were darker than they'd been before, pupils blown and cheeks flushed - he didn't have to say a word.

Cory leaned forward and gently kissed Shawn's cheek before whispering - "I'll take that as a yes."

"Only if you let me outta here," Shawn countered.

He moved away long enough to slowly unwrap Shawn like a Christmas gift he'd always wanted, would never tire of opening.

As soon as he was free Shawn flipped them over until he was straddling Cory and rubbing against him in a downright sinful manner (that filled Cory's mind when Shawn wasn't around, more often than he'd like to admit).

"Whats a guy gotta do to get kisses around this place?," Cory whispered with hand reaching around to run his fingers through Shawn's hair.

He'd had a thing for those locks since they were children and had swooned as hard as any of Shawn's dates whenever he'd thread his fingers through it in order to tame it; he had no idea how sexy Cory found it or perhaps he did know and liked to torment him.

Shawn leaned in, rubbing his nose alongside Cory's - "Hes gotta admit that hes a cover hog."

Cory groaned and rolled his eyes - "If that's what it takes; I'm the biggest cover hog to have ever existed in all of-," he began.

Shawn cut him off by pressing a soft wet kiss on his lips and making a noise (that Cory found to be incredibly sexy) when he gently tugged on his hair to deepen the kiss. Arms wrapped around Cory's waist and trailed up and down his back - tracing the notches of his spin and grazing over his ribs until he had goosebumps. There was something about the feel of Shawn's hands on him - they weren't smooth or dainty by any means but were marked with a callus here and there from working odd jobs and keeping late hours. Jobs that brought in little cash but gave Shawn a sense of pride. He wanted to hold those hands for the rest of his life.

"Ya know. I think we have a problem here," Cory stated.

Shawn pulled away from the side of Cory's neck where his lips had been leaving a wet path.

"We do?"

"I'm afraid so but good news. There's an easy solution!"

Cory grinned and peeled Shawn's shirt off of him; saw how Shawn relaxed instantly - he'd been expecting an actual problem for reasons Cory couldn't figure out. After all it wasn't like this was their first time making out. No they'd perfected that art at the age of 13 when Shawn had discovered girls and had the grand idea of teaching Cory the basics. It hadn't progressed past groping and kisses but tonight felt like they might.

Cory hadn't quite made it that far with Topanga as they were waiting for their wedding night but, he reasoned with himself, it didn't count unless it was... _that_ kind and he was positive they'd never go that far but there were options in between. Options that Shawn had experienced himself but Cory hadn't.

As soon as his shirt and Shawn's were tossed aside he dragged Shawn down for a kiss and made sure to draw it out - to make Shawn want this as much as he did (and it was obvious that the feeling was mutual but that didn't mean they'd actually cross that line).

Without breaking the kiss Cory clumsily reached for the fly of Shawn's pants and managed to unbutton and unzip them before Shawn stopped him.

He got up and began to pace, breathing ragged - "You don't want this Cor. Trust me."

Cory leaned back on his palms and sat partially up, staring at his best friend (and one of two of the loves of his life) - "What if I do?"

*****

"This is a mistake," Shawn began as he nervously ran a hand through his hair.

"What is, Shawn? This? You and me? This trip?"

Shawn sat down in a chair with his face in his hands, sounding near tears - "I don't know."

If there was anything Cory couldn't stand it was an upset Shawn. He crossed the room and dragged a chair over beside of him, traced circles on Shawn's back to calm him.

"What's really going on, Shawn? Why'd we really come on this trip and why won't you tell me where we're going?"

Shawn took a deep breath in and pasted on a fake smile - "I'll tell you tomorrow, okay?"

Cory nodded and took him by the hand, leading them both back to bed.

"I'm sorry Shawny, I shouldn't have pushed. We don't have to do anything if you don't wanna."

"Do you remember that night I climbed in your window after I let off that cherry bomb?"

"-and we tried so hard to hide you but it didn't work," Cory finished.

"Your sleeping bag was in the garage so we shared your bed & I woke up to you mouth breathing in my ear?," he asked with a small laugh.

Cory grinned - "Pretty hard to forget getting elbowed in the nose three times."

"That's your fault for having a crummy little bed," Shawn retorted.

"Anyways. You refused to let me leave, to let me give up."

Cory turned on his side to face Shawn in the darkness, could barely make out the silhouette of his frame. "I still won't." 

"Thanks Cor," Shawn replied as he took Cory's hand and laced it together with his own. He held on tight enough that he was sure his fingers would be bruised come morning.

"Hey Shawny?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, you know."

Shawn squeezed his hand - "I know. I love you too. Lets get some sleep, alright?"

"Only if I get to be the big spoon," Cory laughed - effectively breaking the tension.

"But I'm taller."

"Rules are rules, Hunter."

Shawn groaned half heartedly and turned on his side as warm arms curled around to hold him tight. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd ever feel this safe again when Cory was gone.

He'd already lost Angela and his dad, this time it was his turn to leave before he allowed himself to get hurt but for now?

For now he could pretend.

*****

Fools were not meant to have happy endings. They were meant to scamper off into some alleyway and scrounge on crumbs from a life they'd never have even as the ones who loved them stood there with open arms. 

Shawn couldn't help but feel like an absolute fool when he gave one last painfully slow kiss to Cory and left him in a strange town with the explanation that he had to find something that he couldn't find back home, couldn't find with him. He's running for them, for himself, for everyone he has ever loved.

He tells himself it's for the best.

After all, brave knights were never meant to fall in love with fool hearted dragons and the fairytale would always end with the pretty princess and her happily ever after. He is not that princess, not the damsel in distress either.

He is the dragon, breathing fire on everything that he loves and turning them to ash.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> based on the episode "road trip" s6 ep15 in which Shawn takes Cory on a trip and breaks up with him because Shawn says he's on a journey and looking for something he can't find with Cory. he urges him to go back home to his family and in the next episode ("my baby valentine") we see Cory on the phone with Shawn having an intimate conversation then (seeing as Shawn isn't coming home for "Shawn it's our first Valentines Day after the breakup and before the wedding. It's important.") he goes to Topanga and tells her they need to shift the focus onto THEM now (which imo is what Shawn was trying to do for them at his own expense).
> 
> fun fact: the dave matthews song does play in this episode, it's at the beginning when they're heading out and cory is asking shawn where they're going and why. no vocals but the lyrics speak for themselves. also there's a song they get serenaded to by girls who are shawn's parallel and it's about falling in love and showing that person. also cory makes a comment about having to let go of those we love sometimes to let them find their own way. we don't get to see their final goodbye, just some serious eye sex and seeing as shawn likes long goodbyes (s7: "we're supposed to say goodbye for an hour!") I'm thinking they had a drawn out goodbye that involved kisses since they are breaking up, after all.


End file.
